You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
