i was rollin on her like bob the builder
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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