help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
