Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
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