even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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