I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
