youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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