dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
