Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
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I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
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He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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