Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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