I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
