i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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