You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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