i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Randomize
