Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
