the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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