you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
