God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
