for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
