did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
