he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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