I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
