Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
