I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
We have started to decorate penises.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
