i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
