he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
