who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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