I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
