If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
This is my gift to your gina
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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