hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Randomize
