i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
