Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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