Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
so explain again why im purple
no
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
