i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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