Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
