how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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