I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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