he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
