dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
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She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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