You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
