come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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