Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
