i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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