piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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