why do cheetos always look like penises
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I think your dad took our porno
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
