been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
