Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize