So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Randomize
