Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
