Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
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Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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