YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
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