I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
