If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
