I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
