I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
