in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Ladies don't puke and tell
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
