If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
So vagazzling was a success
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