if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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