feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
My pussy is not your playground.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
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Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
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The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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