Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I need to align my fucking chakras
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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