His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
