i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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