your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
