Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
