Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
