I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Randomize
