At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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