worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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