I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
