he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
