Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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