Betty ford says i'm here all night
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
So much Jack, so little girl.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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