I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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