Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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