Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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