yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
