Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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