seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
there is glitter all over my balls
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
