Jerry, you need to find god
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
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My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
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That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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