im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
