I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
