Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Ketchup is God's man juice
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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