he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
