if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
