someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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