I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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